Scrubs Funniest Quotes Season 1

Scrubs Funniest Quotes Season 1 Episode 2 My Mentor

Dr. Cox is watching a soap on tv.

Dr. Cox - Oh, this woman is just fantastic. I mean, the breasts are probably fake, but BY GOD, those tears are real!

Scrubs Funniest Quotes Season 1 Episode 3 My Best Friend Mistake

Dr. Wen - Look, I've been attending for three years here. What makes you think you know better?

Turk - In my gut I know I'm right.

Dr. Wen - We need this decision now.

Turk - Fine, then it's on you.

Dr. Wen -Yes, it is.

Dr. Wen -Nurse, Erasure!

Nurse -Yes, doctor.

("A Little Respect" by Erasure starts playing)

Patient -I hate this song.

Turk -Me too, man. Me too.

Scrubs Funniest Quotes Season 1 Episode 4 My Old Lady

Turk and Bonnie are on the operating table trying to find an hernia

Bonnie - We're so lost.

Turk - We are not lost.

Bonnie - Go left here.

Turk - It's right.

Bonnie -You passed his Cooper's ligament. Stop and ask for directions.

Turk - You wanna drive? Cos I will pull over and let you drive this thing.

Scrubs Funniest Quotes Season 1 Episode 4 My Old Lady

Todd - Ladies, now that the Todd is a resident, he wants to clear things up so you don't have to wonder any more.

[pointing to each woman]

Yes, yes, no, yes, no and [pointing to Laverne] yes, if I've been drinking.

Laverne - Come here, Wonder Bread.

Todd - What's up, doll?

Laverne -If you ever get this close again, I will end you.

Todd -I'm changing you to a yes because you're feisty.

Scrubs Funniest Quotes Season 1 Episode 5 My two dads

Dr. Cox - I don't know if they taught you this in the land of puppy-dog tails where you obviously, if not grew up, then at least spent most of your summers, but you're in the real world now....hmmmmmmk?

Scrubs Funniest Quotes Season 1 Episode 6 My Bad

Dr. Kelso, introducing Jordan to J.D. -This is Dr Dorian. He'll be looking after you.

Jordan - And who will be looking after him?

Scrubs Funniest Quotes Season 1 Episode 6 My Bad

Elliot -Mom, when I was a little girl, did I want to be a doctor?

Elliot -Maybe I used a toy stethoscope on one of my dolls?

Elliot's Mom - Oh, honey, you'd have to ask the nanny.

Elliot -Have you ever reached a point in your life when you really wished you knew how you got there?

Elliot's Mom -Are you trying to tell me you're a lesbian?

Elliot -Yes, I am.

Scrubs Funniest Quotes Season 1 Episode 12 My Blind Date

Dr. Kelso - Just listen to the damn lawyer. Go, Tom.

Ted - It's Ted. But hey, it's only been 12 years.

Scrubs Funniest Quotes Season 1 Episode 16 My Heavy Meddle

Janitor to J.D. - Girl problems?

J.D. - How'd you know?

Janitor - You look like you got problems. You're a girl.

Janitor - Hence, girl problems. Watch your nails. [Slams the door]

Scrubs Funniest Quotes Season 1 Episode 23 My Hero

Turk - What's a brother got to do to get a Whipple? What's a brother got to do?

Carla - Listen. You've got to stop turning your medical training into some ego-driven contest. No one else is doing that.

Bunnie - Oh, I got the Whipple. Suck it, Turk.